Aries

Happy Halloween, Warrior Princess! I love the Birthday suit and it’s probably a good choice for all that raw libido, sex drive, and desire. Aries rules blood, knives and violence due to their ruling planet, Mars. The sign, if angered, can be vicious or violent. They will not be pushed around (the last bitch that got in Aries way and tried to stop her is probably the person’s blood who is about to be smeared all over that knife). The sign reacts quick, uses initiative and can be impulsive...yikes

Taurus

Taurus rules the throat. The Boston stranger had a Taurean Moon….Nuff said. The sign can be possessive, extremely jealous and moody. I once read a quote that said: “Love and possessiveness are like a tree strangled by vines.” They seek simple pleasures — sex, shelter, and food. Taurus is mostly peaceful unless angered, and then comes charging like a bull and there is no stopping it. They believe in what’s ‘mine is mine’ and if you try and take anything from the Taurean they will head straight for the throat. Desiring things as they are, don’t be bringing up any unpredictable shit because the old way is best.

Gemini

Oh Gemini, you are so distracted by blabbering on the phone, driving and other mental activities that you haven’t even spotted that creepy fellow behind, along for the ride! Your interest in everything, gossiping, and mischievous nature and insatiable curiosity will be the death of you! Maybe that confrontation with the dark twin, the one Gemini has long been avoiding is about to happen….. mu ha ha.

Cancer

Hey, crab! That’s a funny way to walk down the stairs! I thought that maybe you would have left the lair house, children, and hiding place for at least one night and enjoyed the celebrations. Please don’t get crabby now, it was just an idea. Poor Cancer can be a fearful sign, and oversensitive, but they are so sweet. The protective nature is powerful and if anybody messes with the clan, it is most likely she will run at you ready with claws out, always keeping loved ones close by in her protective shell.

Leo

This year, Leo will light the way and pretty much as she always does with such brilliance, radiance, and shining personality. Similar to the Sun she brightens up the world with her 1000 watts smile. Solar Leonians believe in the right of self-expression, but it is their pride that is the real killer. This little light-show on the left is a bit attention seeking, isn’t it? She has real heart, loyalty and warmth, but hates criticism, being unnoticed and can be overbearing [hold on a minute while I put some sunglasses on].

Virgo

How annoying is this? You are trying to do the daily chores: hang the washing out, and those damn spirits, ghosts, and other entities keep appearing! Virgo hates chaos and tries to keep everything neat and precise, it’s like the shadow side of Pisces (care-less and opposite sign) is trying to get a say. Maybe by sending a ghostly message attempting to get Virgo to let things fall apart for a while, tend to the soul with some of your favorite pastimes. You know that you have become a compulsive slave to routine and everything rational when the irrational makes itself known, loudly. Boo!

Libra

Libra, nobody likes you! Awww I thought this would be your reaction. I didn’t mean it. The thought that nobody likes her strikes fear at the heart of our beautiful Libra as they are always so nice. They stand by love and peace and might not be feeling this whole Halloween thing at times. I mean, for one thing, it’s ugly. Libra loves beauty and harmony and white. Maybe this Halloween they will keep some grace, style, and order. We know around this time all hell breaks loose, there is often havoc and a disturbance of the peace! Leading to…..

Scorpio

Scorpio’s abducted got a new girlfriend though I am not sure where he buried the last one! Anyways, let’s go to a dark place. This is their time of year when the veil between the two worlds are lifted and all kinds of monsters are let through. The sign of Scorpio can be described as treacherous and brutal, along with being over-possessive. It is the sign of tragedy, fate and death. It rules over depths and extremes. The sign can be silent as a show of its extreme power and strength. It is strong-willed, if not a little fanatical. They can keep people under their control, and are prone to pathological jealousy, vindictiveness,  and sadistic behavior. Scared? You should be.

Sagittarius

I am sick of all the crap Sag takes. They get called judge-y, a know it all, and over-confident. But you know, they could know more than we think. They are the sign of knowledge. So no horse-playing around, and get up on that church podium, Sagittarius, and preach it for all its worth. Go girl. Giddy-up. They are also great believers in the truth, have luck, faith and God by their side. I hope so….because here comes….the devil… (sorry Capricorn)

Capricorn

Capricorn is the nice old man of the zodiac, isn’t he? Oh crap, you scared the bejeezus out me Cappy, stop hiding behind walls. The sign rules earth and reality and it can be a scary, gloomy, and terrifying place. The sign is another one of pride and ambition (like Scorpio), but they seek power over earthly things. They love order, tradition, and have a deep respect for hard work. At times, they may be ruthlessly cold, reserved and closed when chasing their ambitions.

Aquarius

We talked about Aquarius’ ruler Uranus, and his third eye in a previous post. I guess I will just take this eye out, because being a sign of ‘all men are created equal’ he won’t be needing three eyeballs! Aquarius is said to be concerned with equality and man’s progression. Its focus is on the mind, and deals in ideas, inventions, and higher mathematics. Its main aim is to benefit mankind.

Pisces

Oh, look what the cat dragged in at such a strange hour. Since your closing the show, Pisces, you could at least keep the time. Where have you been? No doubt visiting other realms and floating in when you feel like it. The sign is a bit of a shape-shifter, and can move through closed doors, windows and limitations. They are the dreamers of the zodiac, living in an imaginary life at times. They are at the forefront of spiritualism, and can be quite psychic. However, they can also be secretive and won’t always tell us where they go when they leave on their spiritual travels.

What do you think?

*Takes the hint and runs the fuck outta here*